Secret Manual Reveals New Threat to Humanity!

(Note: One commenter will receive a copy of Bound to Love Her.)

Periodically, some brave soul risks all to uncover the secrets of a clandestine organization, and this information changes the way the world thinks about politics, religion, or trans fats.

Masquerading as a romantic-fiction writer, Esri Rose (not her real name) is blowing the lid off a previously unknown threat to humanity – elves. They walk among us undetected, harnessing our vital forces for their own ends. The following excerpt comes from a top-secret instruction manual, commonly distributed among elves. It is a chilling example of how they are prepared to use us.

Excerpt from Dealing with Humans – A Guide for Elves
by Kutara, head of Boulder Elf Operations.

Section 29, subsection IIb:

Emotional Relationships with Humans

You may be tempted to enter into an emotional relationship with a human, as opposed to just using him/her for energy, transportation, office supplies, etc. After all, humans look like us, except for their rounded ears and inferior attractiveness, and they often act like us, despite being both foolish and short-sighted. You may even have heard of elf/human relationships that “worked.”

Do not be misled.

While the advantages of having physical relations with humans are well known, there are no positive aspects to adding an emotional component. Consider the following:

An elf with feelings for a human is an elf who will bond to that human.

1) Bond to a human and you’ll lose your bond with your land. You won’t be able to travel through the earth or merge with it. Imagine never getting a good night’s sleep again. What humans call “sleep” is a pale comparison to getting your head down for 50 years, trust me. And while elves are perfectly capable of flagging down a human driver and making him take us where we want to go, it’s a clumsy, uncomfortable way to travel.

2) You won’t be able to control the mind of the human to whom you are bonded. Our ability to glamour humans serves as both protection and entertainment. Being an elf means always having the last word. But bonding to a human means not being able to control that human. Imagine not being able to lie to, disappear from or adjust the memory of your sexual partner. This alone should make you think twice.

3) Eventually, your human partner will realize you’re not human. Oh, you can claim you had your ears surgically pointed to save time at Manga and Anime conventions, but eventually your human will notice the little giveaways – the way you can communicate with animals, the fact that you’re not aging, and your ability to shoot bolts of energy out of your hands. Despite his/her inherent unwillingness to believe something he/she doesn’t understand, your human will eventually say something like, “Fifteen years together, and I’ve never seen you eat. What are you, anyway?”
Remember -- secrecy is our greatest protection. The more humans know about us, the greater the vulnerability of our entire race.

There are other, lesser disadvantages than those listed here, but this should be enough to convince you that an elf/human relationship is untenable, and should be unthinkable.

By all means, enjoy humans for what they are. Willing, energetic sexual partners and droll conversationalists who say the darnedest things. But when it comes to elf/human romance, just say No.

(end of excerpt)

More details about Esri Rose and her “fictional” paranormal romance, Bound to Love Her, can be found at her website, ElvesAmongUs.com.

Thank you for your attention to this vital issue.